Zen and the Art of Unemployed Friend Maintenance

There’s a great article in the New York Times that points out how to effectively be there for a friend after they’ve lost their job: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/21/your-money/21moneysideweb.html   While I don’t agree with everything mentioned in it, I do think it’s a noble attempt to educate people on how to be a terrific support for friends who need work yesterday.

But from the perspective of the laid-off side, let me add some comments to the article.  I’m not here to bitch and moan about being unemployed; instead, I’m going to bitch and moan about the “help” I’ve recently experienced:

• If you offer yourself as a sounding board, make good on it.  An acquaintance of mine who works in the field of human resources (and he knows who he is) IM’d me to tell me he’d be happy to speak with me, and offered his personal cell phone number.  Three friendly messages to him later, in as many weeks, has gotten me nowhere with him, because he hasn’t returned my calls. I have made it painfully clear in each message that I am not hitting him up for a job at his company, and that I merely have some specific questions regarding pursuing a job in human resources.  He’s even mentioned to a mutual friend that he needs to return my call.  I’m done with this networking attempt; not only am I pissed off he hasn’t made good on his offer, I’m astonished that he hasn’t had the common courtesy or professionalism to return my calls.
• Don’t be offended if I politely turn down your offer to procure a temporary job that pays $10.00 an hour.  I’m grateful for the offer, I truly am – what are friends for?  However, after taxes are taken out of that paycheck, I’ll net around $300…and the unemployment check I receive pays over $400 a week.  It’s financially ill-advised for me to take that work, because it takes time away from my current full-time job of seeking meaningful permanent employment, pays less than unemployment, and isn’t the career path I want – I stand nothing to gain from helping someone I don’t know move their office from one location to another.  If it were you asking for help with an office move, I’ll gladly volunteer over a weekend.  You don’t have to pay me, and I’ll do it because I like your company and like helping out a friend.
• If you ask me to come to lunch with you, I will turn you down – I really, really don’t have the resources.  It’s not that I don’t want to see you; I’m already isolated at home enough as it is in front of a frigging computer all day long.  It’s just that I really, really can’t afford even a gratuitous lunch now.  I have to save my shekels for laundry money, paying bills, gas for that coveted interview, possible parking fees, you get the idea.  And just because I’m being honest with you about my lack of funds does NOT mean I expect you to pay for lunch.  I expect you instead to a) offer it only if you’re in a position to do so, and most importantly, b) just understand.
• If you suggest a person through whom you think I can network, PLEASE ensure that that individual expects my email or call, and will respond.  Over 66% of jobs are gleaned through networking – I’m counting on this lead!  Have the conversation with your buddy prior to me making contact.  They won’t feel ambushed, and I won’t feel like an asshole.  Let them know I’m not asking them for employment, and that they’re doing both you and me a big favor by communicating with me.  I promise I won’t embarrass you either with stories of your big drunkety-drunk in college, or with halitosis.

I love what my friends have done for me in this enormously stressful time.  Thanks to all who’ve helped in their way  - lunch is on me when next I’m flush.

Whine Flu

Notice any discrepancies between the reporting on this H1N1 strain of flu and other “regular” strains that have passed through our country’s jetstream?  Yeah, I have, too.  It’s become the headline ad nauseum (no pun intended) that just won’t go away, kind of like the flu strain itself.  I’m all for educating the public about it, even if I think heat sensors in airports are a bit Big Brother.  Pity the poor women who are in the middle of a menopausal nuclear meltdown right as they approach security checkpoints.

What’s different about this non-stop reporting is that there’s an alarmist flavor to it, and that Swine Flu is being compared with the Spanish influenza pandemic that wiped out 20 million people worldwide on the heels of World War I.  Hey, I don’t think flu is funny, nor do I think sitting on information about its virulence is a wise idea.  I’m just sayin’: enough with the damn Swine Flu reporting already.

We get it.  We’ve paid enough attention to know it’s uncharacteristically occurring in the spring, that it’s got some big body aches and gastro symptoms that accompany it, and that stockpiled Tamiflu is on its way to the states closest to the Mexican border in large quantities.  We know that the very young, the very old, and individuals with compromised respiratory systems should have first crack at the shots, to help stave off the worst of the virus.  We know frequently washing our hands helps prevent the spread of any kind of germ, as is avoiding public places unless necessary.  We know to stay home from work if we’re feeling crappy, and we know to invest in Johnson & Johnson stock as sales of Purell triple from this time last year.

What I find most interesting is that there hasn’t been any hard reporting from network medical consultants on reports of deaths in the U.S. from flu season last year to compare with H1N1’s rampage, so I did some poking around on the Net.  Here’s what I discovered:

The CDC couldn’t report flu deaths from 2007-2008.  http://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/qa/season.htm  The only statistic they give on their website is that of childrens’ deaths reported as of June 2008 (there were 83).

Only 1 confirmed death in the U.S has been reported, a child from Mexico who was vacationing with relatives in the Houston area.  As of May 1, officials could confirm only 397 cases of H1N1 in Mexico, where 908 had previously been suspected.  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/02/health/02flu.html?hp  If the case number is lower, perhaps the world collective can rethink its perception of pandemic.

Bill Maher offered a statistic on flu deaths in the U.S. last year, on this week’s episode of Real Time With Bill Maher: 13,000.  (Don’t ask me what his source is – I don’t know.)  Okay, so here goes: 1 this year from Swine Flu; 13,000 last year from H1N1 (same strain as Swine Flu; different evolution).  Is the press doing more damage than good with its reporting?

Be smart, be happy, go play.  But don’t kiss your sister when she announces her engagement.