Zen and the Art of Unemployed Friend Maintenance

There’s a great article in the New York Times that points out how to effectively be there for a friend after they’ve lost their job: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/21/your-money/21moneysideweb.html   While I don’t agree with everything mentioned in it, I do think it’s a noble attempt to educate people on how to be a terrific support for friends who need work yesterday.

But from the perspective of the laid-off side, let me add some comments to the article.  I’m not here to bitch and moan about being unemployed; instead, I’m going to bitch and moan about the “help” I’ve recently experienced:

• If you offer yourself as a sounding board, make good on it.  An acquaintance of mine who works in the field of human resources (and he knows who he is) IM’d me to tell me he’d be happy to speak with me, and offered his personal cell phone number.  Three friendly messages to him later, in as many weeks, has gotten me nowhere with him, because he hasn’t returned my calls. I have made it painfully clear in each message that I am not hitting him up for a job at his company, and that I merely have some specific questions regarding pursuing a job in human resources.  He’s even mentioned to a mutual friend that he needs to return my call.  I’m done with this networking attempt; not only am I pissed off he hasn’t made good on his offer, I’m astonished that he hasn’t had the common courtesy or professionalism to return my calls.
• Don’t be offended if I politely turn down your offer to procure a temporary job that pays $10.00 an hour.  I’m grateful for the offer, I truly am – what are friends for?  However, after taxes are taken out of that paycheck, I’ll net around $300…and the unemployment check I receive pays over $400 a week.  It’s financially ill-advised for me to take that work, because it takes time away from my current full-time job of seeking meaningful permanent employment, pays less than unemployment, and isn’t the career path I want – I stand nothing to gain from helping someone I don’t know move their office from one location to another.  If it were you asking for help with an office move, I’ll gladly volunteer over a weekend.  You don’t have to pay me, and I’ll do it because I like your company and like helping out a friend.
• If you ask me to come to lunch with you, I will turn you down – I really, really don’t have the resources.  It’s not that I don’t want to see you; I’m already isolated at home enough as it is in front of a frigging computer all day long.  It’s just that I really, really can’t afford even a gratuitous lunch now.  I have to save my shekels for laundry money, paying bills, gas for that coveted interview, possible parking fees, you get the idea.  And just because I’m being honest with you about my lack of funds does NOT mean I expect you to pay for lunch.  I expect you instead to a) offer it only if you’re in a position to do so, and most importantly, b) just understand.
• If you suggest a person through whom you think I can network, PLEASE ensure that that individual expects my email or call, and will respond.  Over 66% of jobs are gleaned through networking – I’m counting on this lead!  Have the conversation with your buddy prior to me making contact.  They won’t feel ambushed, and I won’t feel like an asshole.  Let them know I’m not asking them for employment, and that they’re doing both you and me a big favor by communicating with me.  I promise I won’t embarrass you either with stories of your big drunkety-drunk in college, or with halitosis.

I love what my friends have done for me in this enormously stressful time.  Thanks to all who’ve helped in their way  - lunch is on me when next I’m flush.

Whine Flu

Notice any discrepancies between the reporting on this H1N1 strain of flu and other “regular” strains that have passed through our country’s jetstream?  Yeah, I have, too.  It’s become the headline ad nauseum (no pun intended) that just won’t go away, kind of like the flu strain itself.  I’m all for educating the public about it, even if I think heat sensors in airports are a bit Big Brother.  Pity the poor women who are in the middle of a menopausal nuclear meltdown right as they approach security checkpoints.

What’s different about this non-stop reporting is that there’s an alarmist flavor to it, and that Swine Flu is being compared with the Spanish influenza pandemic that wiped out 20 million people worldwide on the heels of World War I.  Hey, I don’t think flu is funny, nor do I think sitting on information about its virulence is a wise idea.  I’m just sayin’: enough with the damn Swine Flu reporting already.

We get it.  We’ve paid enough attention to know it’s uncharacteristically occurring in the spring, that it’s got some big body aches and gastro symptoms that accompany it, and that stockpiled Tamiflu is on its way to the states closest to the Mexican border in large quantities.  We know that the very young, the very old, and individuals with compromised respiratory systems should have first crack at the shots, to help stave off the worst of the virus.  We know frequently washing our hands helps prevent the spread of any kind of germ, as is avoiding public places unless necessary.  We know to stay home from work if we’re feeling crappy, and we know to invest in Johnson & Johnson stock as sales of Purell triple from this time last year.

What I find most interesting is that there hasn’t been any hard reporting from network medical consultants on reports of deaths in the U.S. from flu season last year to compare with H1N1’s rampage, so I did some poking around on the Net.  Here’s what I discovered:

The CDC couldn’t report flu deaths from 2007-2008.  http://www.cdc.gov/flu/about/qa/season.htm  The only statistic they give on their website is that of childrens’ deaths reported as of June 2008 (there were 83).

Only 1 confirmed death in the U.S has been reported, a child from Mexico who was vacationing with relatives in the Houston area.  As of May 1, officials could confirm only 397 cases of H1N1 in Mexico, where 908 had previously been suspected.  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/02/health/02flu.html?hp  If the case number is lower, perhaps the world collective can rethink its perception of pandemic.

Bill Maher offered a statistic on flu deaths in the U.S. last year, on this week’s episode of Real Time With Bill Maher: 13,000.  (Don’t ask me what his source is – I don’t know.)  Okay, so here goes: 1 this year from Swine Flu; 13,000 last year from H1N1 (same strain as Swine Flu; different evolution).  Is the press doing more damage than good with its reporting?

Be smart, be happy, go play.  But don’t kiss your sister when she announces her engagement.

Three Cheers for Those Crazy Pennsylvanians

Can you say “I told you so”? -Knew you could. It looks like the way Arlen Specter figures it, change wasn’t just coming, it was unavoidable with the election of Barack Obama. But I’m not going to put words in the man’s mouth; instead, I’ll direct you to his Big Announcement of today. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/04/28/AR2009042801523.html?hpid=topnews

Yep, the man’s gonna switch parties because he wants to keep playing with the kids on the Capitol Hill playground. Lieberman did it, but he did it to the tune of “Miss Inpedendent” (all respect due Kelly Clarkson). That was Connecticut-ese for “I’m pissed at the Democrats for not having gotten me elected with Al, but I’m not so pissed that I’ll become a Republican…I’m just gonna go over here and eat an Independent sandwich.” -Said action successfully assured him Freaky McFreak status on the Hill, confirmed by his endorsement of John McCain during last year’s presidential campaign.

Yeah, yeah…Norm Coleman still gets to have his day in front of the Minnesota State Supreme Court to try to wrest the senate seat away from Al Franken, and Specter still has to win as a newly-minted Democrat in the fall, but Specter’s a shoo-in, and Minnesotans are sick of Coleman whining. All that to say the Senate balance may tip in favor of Democrats, a huge coup no matter where you stand.

Specter claims there are over 200,000 registered Republicans in Pennsylvania who switched parties in 2008, and he’s listening to their political re-awakening. What does this say about anyone who switches parties? That they’re fickle? -No. At least that’s not what my former boss meant when he voted for Obama, and he’d been a lifelong Republican-voting Conservative from New York. From Guantanamo to the 2008 Wall Street meltdown, from the war in Iraq to the Patriot Act, if you could name the congressional act or Presidential veto and it was linked to the Bush administration, he was supremely angry with it. He let his voice be heard on November 4 with the two-toned principle of Voting For the Opposition. He didn’t switch parties, but he also didn’t abstain from voting. I don’t know what’s more insulting: no vote from a previous supporting member, or the slap in the face that accompanies the vote for another party.

So Specter’s on to something here. If people like my boss, who were die-hard Republicans, became so inflamed by Bush/Cheney rhetoric that they jumped ship, there might be some more Republicans who’ll do the same to stay working in Congress. If members of the House follow Specter’s lead, the Democrats’ win could increase exponentially: a filibuster-proof Congress. Wouldn’t that be a sight?

Mothers Behaving Badly?

A friend recently confessed to me that she’s a “thug mom.”  I listened to her as she described her frustration with her kids.  “I do everything I can, and they STILL don’t listen to me.” 

-I’m not a parent, but I think I get the idea.  She initially uses reason to elicit desired behavior from her kids, issues stern warnings, and finally resorts to full-on threats to get their attention.  I can picture her at the end of a long work day, negotiating with her errant children, exhausted from everything she’s had to do to get through the day…and I really feel for her.  No one likes to come home to a couple of petulant munchkins who are selectively deaf.  She’s a single parent, with a deadbeat ex who doesn’t contribute, period, so she’s all on her own.  No wonder she feels like she’s inadvertently become a Mommy Mafioso.

I suggested taking away privileges: hit them where it hurts most.  No video games, no TV, no texting, no sleepovers, no nothin’.  I don’t know if it’s the ideal way of tapping into good behavior from a child, but I know it sure worked on me when I was little. 

Her fatigue isn’t the same kind of fatigue experienced by new mothers for the first year of a child’s life.  She’s well beyond the timeframe when she was most likely to try to pass the kid off to the Christmas tree, mistaking it for her husband.  Her world is one of being overworked and underpaid, working like hell to keep a roof over her head, yet loving her kids to pieces – and feeling unappreciated by them because they’re still too young to understand.  So now she’ll threaten them with an 8-year-old’s equivalent of having his kneecaps broken: life without Wii.  Thug mom, indeed.

I live 3000 miles away.  I can’t offer to take them off her hands for a few hours, and I can’t drop in to help out with something as simple as washing the car…but as I listened to her vent, I realized the best thing I could do was just that – listen.  And offer to bring a shovel.  She told me later, when all was calm, that it was the best thing I could have done for her.  Just call me her “goon friend.”

-for Elizabeth in Nashville

Earth Day 2009 – Bringing home the bacon in my own bag

I sometimes market at a cool little joint called Trader Joe’s.  There are a lot of reasons to like it, least of which is their BYOB (Bring Your Own Bag) deal:  if you schlep your groceries in your own bag, they’ll enter your name into a weekly drawing for a $25 gift certificate.  Hey, $25 worth of groceries sounds like a deal to me, especially since I’m unemployed at the moment.

So when I got to the register today, on Earth Day, I pulled out my screaming yellow nylon shopping bag.  The cashier remarked that it smelled good (it was freshly-laundered), and that more people should be bringing their own bags.  I expressed surprise at this, on today of all days…what was the world coming to on Earth Day if people couldn’t for ONE DAY bring their own shopping bags?  That’s when she said, “yeah, one woman said she hadn’t won the weekly drawing, so she had quit bringing her own bag.”

Oh, for climate change’s sake.  This Valley Girl missed the entire point of bringing a reuseable bag with her.  I’ve been bringing my own bag with me now for two years to Trader Joe’s, writing my name every time on a little ticket stub, and throwing it in the mouth of the Kon Tiki god perched on the manager’s bay – and I haven’t won yet, either!  I don’t claim to be the smartest kid on the block, but even I connected the dots on this one.

So here’s to all of you who did something for the good of the planet today; I think we have a right to feel smug and superior today because of our collective effort.  We won the Trader Joe’s contest, figuratively-speaking.